The Long and Winding Road
by A. Zap
Summary: The angels have fallen and Castiel finds himself alone. Now, he has to make his way back to Dean and the Bunker, but it'll be a long and winding road until he gets there. Both literally and figuratively. Slight Season 9 AU. Inspired by the Beatles' "The Long and Winding Road."


**Dislaimer: I do not own Supernatural or its characters. If I did, a lot of things that make me upset would not have happened and several things I want would have happened.**

* * *

The Long and Winding Road

" _Look, get your ass to the Bunker alone. You hear me? Go, Cas!"_

Those words rang in Cas's ears even now. That had been the last thing that Dean had told him before hanging up the phone to deal with more angels showing up. Angels who actually wanted him, not the Winchesters.

For not the first time, Castiel debated whether or not he should return to the Winchesters as he curled up in the doorway he had found to get out of the rain. They were already in enough danger just from knowing him. He couldn't even begin to imagine the danger they'd be in if he actually was there.

Still, he had a vague idea of how Dean would react if he didn't come back and then learned of why he didn't. The human had always been so resistant to the angel protecting him, even if…

Cas stopped that thought right there. He had to stop thinking like that.

After all, he could no longer be considered an angel.

The rain fell harder and there was a chill in the air. Castiel hugged his knees even closer to him in an attempt to retain heat. Though the clothes he had taken from the Laundromat's lost and found were certainly comfortable and allowed him to blend in a lot more, he wished he had at least kept his trenchcoat. Even wearing these shirts and jeans did not do much to keep out the cold of the night or rain. Plus, he had liked that coat.

He sighed and bowed his head, even as his stomach grumbled once again.

This was a lot harder than he had thought it would be.

* * *

Castiel had always thought that cars were so slow. They moved at a plodding pace compared to flying on his own wings. As he was finding out though (since he had never truly considered it before), they were still a lot faster than walking.

A lot of the time he ended up getting short rides through hitchhiking to the nearest town. It was better than walking, which was his main mode of transportation otherwise. Luckily for him, the drivers he encountered were a lot like the first man he had encountered instead of like his sister. They gave him some change at times, and sometimes even part of a sandwich.

The kindest of humans astounded Castiel. None of these people even knew him, but still they treated him kindly while saying that it was "the least they can do." Their acts were more than he had expected or even felt that he deserved. It was more empathy and compassion than Castiel had experienced from most of siblings.

One time, he had asked one of his drivers why she was helping him.

She had laughed and looked over at him with an amused glint in her eye. "When I went to church when I was younger, we were always taught to help those less fortunate than us. After all, you never know when you might be helping an angel in disguise."

Though it was clear that she didn't truly believe this, the irony did not escape the former angel.

* * *

It was while he was at a homeless shelter in Iowa that Cas realized that he might be a bit lost.

He had never had to worry about being lost in the literal sense while he had been an angel. Castiel had instinctively known where exactly everything was. Even if just given the name of a place, without the town or state, he would be able to pop up wherever the Winchesters had been.

There had been plenty of times when he had certainly felt lost, such as when he learned that Heaven intended for the Apocalypse to happen, when he learned that God was alive but didn't care, when he wanted to know if he was simply doing the right thing. No one had ever answered or guided him though.

Regardless of that, he still found himself going to Dean.

Still, he was pretty sure he was lost, as he didn't think Iowa was on the way to Kansas from Colorado.

Cas knew he would get there eventually though.

Learning about these shelters had been great in the meantime. Not every town had them, but they generally had ways for him to gain some money before moving on, and it was a warm place to sleep for a night. Some places even provided a little food, though he now knew how to gain it through "dumpster diving" from a helpful man.

As he sat in such shelters, he listened to the stories of the men and women who were also there. It was fascinating and reminded him of when humans would gather around first campfires and then fireplaces, sharing what they had done and where they had been. It showed Castiel that as much as things had changed, some things stayed the same.

It didn't take long for him to notice a trend within these stories. All of these people had met unfortunate circumstances, and had been beaten down in an unfair world. Still all of them were hopeful that one day, things would be better. For now though, they had lost their way.

Cas really fit in with these people.

* * *

 _Being human gives me too much time to think_. Cas thought as he curled up in the seat of an abandoned bus somewhere in Illinois. He had already tried to get to sleep, but he had been decidedly unsuccessful and he could not locate any sheep to count as the one man had suggested.

Still, it was undoubtedly true. Before, even when he had been alone, there had always been some sort of mission that he could focus on to distract him from his thoughts and feelings. Now, though, he was simply trying to make his way back to Dean and his only worries were getting enough to eat and some money to travel on.

Okay, so maybe Castiel had a few more worries than that, but they weren't prominent enough to stop him from thinking.

Cas had never taken the time to really analyze his emotions before. He had always had them, though it wasn't until he met Dean that he felt that he could embrace them and begin to show them. Before, he had ignored them because angels weren't supposed to feel. It was probably why Naomi considered him to be broken.

Thinking it over, Castiel found that he was… lonely. He had been alone plenty of times, and looking back, he had had this same feeling back then as well. Loneliness had been the feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he had chosen to do what was right over what those around him wished, whenever he prayed to his Father and received no answer, whenever he had had to watch the Winchesters drive away, whenever he had lost someone he cared about.

This was the way he felt when he was left standing by himself, waiting for someone or something.

He had had this feeling a lot more than he really felt comfortable with.

Cas probably would have thought about this a lot more; however, at that moment, he sensed something and found himself being attacked by an angel. He got cut, which surprised his adversary, but he quickly took care of the problem.

Now he had another worry on his plate.

* * *

When he found himself in Detroit, Michigan a couple days later, he knew without a doubt that he was lost. If there was one place he knew where it was, it was Detroit.

He didn't remember it fondly.

Due to the fact that he was obviously being targeted, Castiel had decided to avoid the shelters. It would have been appreciated, especially as he was once more stuck in a doorway in the rain, but he couldn't risk other people getting hurt because of him.

He had already caused enough people pain.

For a moment, he worried if going back to Dean was the right decision. Even if Hael didn't give away the game so to speak, since that angel had been surprised that he was human, he was still going to be hunted. He had managed to get warding in the form of a tattoo to prevent angels from finding him unless he was right in front of them, but he wasn't sure if it would be enough. They had already tried to use the Winchesters to find him at least once.

Cas wondered how the two of them were doing. Dean had said that Sam was in danger despite not finishing the trials. He hoped that Ezekiel had been able to help them, but there was no guarantee if he had.

Reaching into his pocket, the former angel pulled out some of the limited money that he had. He debated trying to call Dean again, just to make sure he and Sam were okay. Still, he would be hard pressed to find another pay phone. Those things had become an endangered species since the advent of affordable cell phones.

Castiel sighed before he put his money away. He had learned the hard way that a person shouldn't have their money out where others could see it. It caused unnecessary conflicts.

He snuggled down deeper into his hoodie. Cas closed his eyes as he leaned into the wall.

The former angel didn't know if he would end up with the Winchesters again.

Still, starting tomorrow, he would begin heading back out west.

* * *

Humans used to have a saying that all roads lead to Rome. Cas didn't know if they still used the colloquialism, as it would be hard to get to Rome when you were on the other side of an ocean.

Still, as he chanced staying in a shelter in southern Ohio, there were some elements of that saying that could apply to him. The thought kept persisting until he finally found the words for it.

 _All roads lead to Dean Winchester._

No matter how many times that Castiel had been separated from him, he always found himself back with him. Sometimes this was on purpose, but sometimes it was mere happenstance that they found each other. He ran through the list of the hardest times it had been to find each other.

After he had banished himself and woken up in a human hospital, he had called Dean right away. After he had been killed by Leviathan and revived with amnesia, Dean had found him in Colorado of all places. Despite his best efforts, Dean had found him in Purgatory. And Castiel had managed to find Dean both after he had gotten out of Purgatory and escaped Crowley's clutches.

It was almost as if they belonged together, as if something kept bringing them back together.

Some small part of Cas hoped it was his Father showing his approval of his feelings and bond with the human.

After all, the greatest and most important time that Castiel had found Dean had been in the depths of Hell itself.

So in a way, he knew that it didn't matter how much he tried to talk himself out going there or tried to avoid him.

In the end, Cas knew that he would end up at Dean Winchester's door.

* * *

As he got close to the Missouri-Kansas border, Castiel decided to walk the rest of the way.

Someone had been kind enough to let him look at a map on her smart phone. The former angel wasn't sure what made the device so intelligent, but he had long since learned from the Winchesters to just go with these sorts of things.

Still, he knew exactly where he had to go, and it would be too easy to miss his destination while hitchhiking. He also thought that it wouldn't be good to reveal where he was going, since he was being pursued. Hitchhiking had been his method of travel so far, and he had already passed by Lebanon once.

Castiel really missed having wings at the moment.

Cas knew it would probably take a little less than a week on foot, so he stayed a few days in Kansas City (which was confusingly in Missouri) to gain funds. He would have to buy food at the very least during his travels and water as well if he was unable to locate any drinking fountains to refill his water bottle.

By that time, he had gained the necessary money and one of the people at the shelter had been kind enough to give him a backpack to help him carry more food. He received several well wishes as he walked in his chosen direction.

Castiel smiled.

He was going to the closest thing to home on Earth.

* * *

Cas was unbearably tired. He was past the point of beginning to regret his decision to walk all the rest of the way to Dean and the Bunker.

Still, it hadn't been much tougher than anything else he had faced since having his Grace stolen. Castiel had seen enough over the millennia to know that he could have it worse. As bad as things were, at least he had a place to go to even if it took him a while to get there.

Cas was so close now. He had already made it through Lebanon. It was just a short distance to the outskirts of town where the Bunker was hidden.

His feet were sore, he was tired beyond belief, and he probably didn't smell all that great, but he was still happy. It was probably the happiest he had been since becoming human. It might seem weird considering everything, and he still felt unbelievably guilty about all that had happened, but the knowledge that he would see Dean again soon was enough to lift his spirits.

The trees parted before him to reveal a very familiar car. The Impala was parked in front of a door that the former angel vaguely recognized. With a sigh of relief, Castiel leaned for a second against the old car. Just the sight of it was a reassurance.

Cas looked up at the sky and back at the door. All of his insecurities and worries about coming back came rushing back. It had been several weeks already… what if Dean no longer wanted him around?

The former angel took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. There was really only one way to find out, and while Castiel was many things, a coward wasn't one of them.

He straightened and adjusted his bag on his shoulder. Cas walked up to the door. Just as he lifted his hand to knock, the door cracked open and the voice that Castiel had most wanted to hear came through.

"Damn it, Sam! It's been weeks and he hasn't even called. I don't care that Zeke said that no one's found him, I've gotta – " Dean's voice broke off as he looked up as he exited the Bunker and finally saw Castiel standing there.

For a moment, they just stared at each other. Cas waited anxiously to see how it would react. This continued silence was just unnerving, because Dean was rarely quiet and it tended not to end well.

So Castiel broke the silence. "Hello, Dean."

Dean snapped out of whatever trance he seemed to be in. "Cas, you son of a bitch!" The former angel started a bit as the hunter drew him into a hug. He could feel himself melting into it though and he tentatively brought his hands up to embrace him back.

So far, so good. After all, it didn't seem like Dean was angry.

"Where the hell have you been?" Dean asked, not drawing back. There was something in his voice that made Castiel's heart squeeze, but it also somehow made him feel better.

"I got a bit lost." Castiel said as an explanation, and he found that his throat felt tight. There was also a prickling at his eyes, but he was trying to ignore that. A smile found its way to his face as buried his head into Dean's shoulder. "But it's fine now."

After all, it had been a long and winding road, but it had led him back to Dean.

* * *

 _AN: So this whole thing started when my iPod was on shuffle and the Beatle's song_ The Long and Winding Road _popped up. I was trying to fall asleep so I had one of those sleepy thoughts that "Man, this suits Cas because he always ends up with Dean no matter where the road leads him." Once I woke up, I thought it was a great idea and connected it to the beginning of Season 9. As you will note, this is slightly AU. In this, Ezekiel (Gadreel) agreed to heal Sam as long as he could hang in the Bunker, stating that as a Castiel supporter he wanted protection. After all, if Cas on stolen Grace can heal Sam without possessing him, so could Gadreel. This would have meant that a simple banishing sigil could get rid of the guy if he joined Metatron (though that had a lower chance of happening since Cas would get to stay with them all). It also means that they would be more forgiving when his true identity was revealed. Also, as you probably noticed, Cas did not have sex or die. Instead, he got really lost. If Cas is going to lose his virginity to someone besides Dean, I would prefer it to be with Meg to be honest (though she's dead I guess). Not some scheming, manipulative Reaper who takes advantage of Castiel's subconscious desire to be comforted. I think that's all I changed, and I hope you enjoyed this piece on Castiel. See you!_


End file.
